Of Course, no Kurt Cobain site is complete without
his suicide note, so here it is.
To Boddah
Speaking from the tongue of an experienced simpletion
who obviously would rather be an emascluated, infantile complain-ee.
This note should be pretty easy to understand. All the warnings
from the punk rock 101 courses over the years, since my first
introduction to the, shall we say, ethics involved with independence
and the embracement of your community has proven to be very true
. I haven't felt the excitement of listening to as well as creating
music along with reading and writing for too many years now. I
feel guilty beyond words about about these things. For example
when we're backstage and the lights go out and the manic roar
of the crowd begins, it doesn't affect me the way in which it
did for Freddy Mercury, who seemed to love, relish in the love
and adoration from the crowd, which is something I totally admire
and envy. The fact is, I can't fool you, any one of you. It simply
isn't fair to you or me. The worst crime I can think of would
be to rip people off by faking it and pretending as if I'm having
100% fun. Sometimes I feel as if I should have a punch-in time
clock before I walk out on stage . I've tried everything within
my power to appreciate it (and I do, God believeme I do, but it's
not enough). I appreciate the fact that I and we have affected
and entertained a lot of people. I must be one of those narcissists
who only appreciate things when they're gone. I'm too sensitive.
I need to be slightly numb in order to regain the enthusiasm I
once had as a child. On our last 3 tours, I've had a much better
appreciation for all the people I've known personally and as fans
of our music, but I still can't get over the frustration, the
guilt and empathy I have for everyone. There's good in all of
us and I think I simply love people too much, so much that it
makes me feel too fucking sad. The sad little sensitive, unappreciative,
Pisces, Jesus man. Why don't you just enjoy it? I dont know! I
have a goddess of a wife who sweats ambition and empathy and a
daughter who reminds me too much of what I used to be , full of
love and joy , kissing every person she meets because everyone
is good and will do her no harm. And that terrifies me to the
point where I can barely function. I can't stand the thought of
Frances becoming the miserable, self-destructive, death rocker
that I've become. I have it good, very good, and I'm grateful,
but since the age of seven, I've become hateful towards all humans
in general. Only because it seems so easy for people to get along
and have empathy. Only because I love and feel sorry for people
too much I guess. Thank you all from the pit of my burning, nauseous
stomach for your letters and concern during the past years. I'm
too much of an erratic, moody, baby! I don't have the passion
anymore, and so remember, it's better to burn out then to fade
away.
Peace, Love, Empathy
Kurt Cobain
Frances and courtney, I'll be at your altar.
Please keep going Courtney, for Frances.
For her life, which will be so much happier without
me.
I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU!